Thursday, May 3, 2012

Why do I always feel like a failure in keeping up to Guru Ji ideals? What grade do I need to see his darbar?

I don't know how to start this post, but at times it is bothersome and feeling of not being able to "keep up" or stay in Chardi Kala or as others Gursikhs say "man dol janda".  Of course Gurbani helps, Sukhmani Sahib always brings peace. People say it is hard to be a soldier because it requires a discipline but I say it is even harder to acquire the discipline of a saint.  And, a combination of saint-soldier like that of a Khalsa is just a god like man.  Many questions come up as to how to reach that scale or stage.  Does dharmarai give grades like A+ or B- or F according to one's karma? As Gurbani teaches us "Karmi apo apni kay nedhe kay door" . Everyone wants to be near (nedhe) and not far (door). If A+ is the highest grade that would be given by Dharmraj then a Khalsa would be A+, i.e. Mahanpursh or Mahanpurkh or a Gurmukh or a Gursikh that would be a complete ideal human being that would get to see his darbar.  Then, who would be a B or C or D or F in that scale? I am sure people with other belief system are also judged that same way.  The names of God, his places, his praises, his insults, his saints, his devotees  are different but judgement is the same no matter what faith.  No one has monopoly on God or can claim that his/her path is the only way and the right way and rest of them are false, even though people do it all of the times; be it Muslim, Christians, Sikhs, Hindus, Athiests etc.  It is all karmic and good or bad actions are judged the same way, be it Muslim, Hindu, Sikh, Christian, Buddhist and others.  So back to grades, where do I fit in so far in this life.  And why do I want that A+ and how do I get it?  I know the criteria and the guidelines to get it, but still many times laziness and forgetfullness takes over.  His name doesn't enter into mind, can't get up in the morning, excuses of busy life and so on. Nitnem doesn't happen, exercise doesn't happen, but just plain laziness and dullness and too many distractions of maya, seva doesn't happen, simran doesn't happen. May be a few minutes of "Thank you for keeping my day good Waheguru".  Is that good enough?  I don't know.  I am sure it is not good enough for an A+.   If this keeps happening, even C- will not happen in the finals when dharmrai calls and guess what?  Repeat class again or as Gurbani calls it, "Cycle of birth or death" or may be a probation or as they call it in India, a compartment in the class or subject which has been failed.  So who says, a saint's discipline is easier than a soldier's?  They are equally hard, especially for a lazy idiot like me.


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