Thursday, January 4, 2007

Why am I so indecisive and why some things seem so complex sometimes?

Well, I hope my comment section works properly now. I had turned it off for a few weeks because I was feeling addicted to blogging, and then I thought I had turned it back on about two or three weeks ago, but I guess it did not work because some people haven't been able to leave comments. Anyways, really not much to post lately just some weblinks to articles and posts here and there. Also, with Sikhi Seeker deciding not to post stuff, blogging life won't be the same.

For last year or so, all kinds of thoughts and ideas keep coming and going about making some major life changes, but can't seem to materialize anything. And, so far they have ended up being just thoughts. I hope one day, I will have enough strength to take some of these steps and of course with Guru's blessing, I am certain right thing(s) will come my way. But sometimes I feel, I hope I am not making a mistake by not making any decision at all. I mean they range from being a teacher, walking the street to help homeless, hoe to make a lots and lots money so I can help others, starting my own business, helping people, going to India adn live for ever, being a granthi, sevadaar, learning tabla or harmonium, finding a new job, spend months visiting Gurdwaras and on and on. I can't seem to get them out of my mind, even though they are not bad and actually sometimes I feel they help keep me on line. Sometimes, its like well do I really need a lot of money to help or can it be done without it? What about just talking to people and listening? Then there is this feeling of being so indecisive about everything and trying to find balance between being a householder, husband, father, son, brother etc and at the same time feeling detached from all this. I wish I just knew what to do?

Anyways, it is 3:39AM, and its time to take shower. Just finished some yoga/sadhna as much as I know how to do. Sometimes, I wish I had grown up to be like some Gursikhs that can get up early every morning, know how to do proper Sadhana, spent their life serving the Guru. Wish to get Japji Sahib in before heading to work. Always feel great on days like these, or when I can attend a morning diwan at the Gurdwara before work. Guru bless!

2 Comments:

Anonymous Sikhi Seeker said...

You are so sweet MSingh ji - thank you for sharing such warmth!

As for the dilemmas due to indecisiveness - I am the pro keeper of them all. SGGS says that dilemma is one of the root causes of evil. I have that Hukam somewhere...but will have to look it up. I know your pain. I know your struggle. I've been going through (almost) identical stuff sicne grade 8. But I must say that you are doing much better than I am. You have shown courage. You have taken a cause and are now sticking to it. GurSikh jiwan is every day that you think of Satguru and aim at improving your life. Hitting the "ideal" sure can't be easy. But you must look back at the day when you wished that you stopped cutitng your hair, give up the little things; and look at yourself today - you fulfilled that "ideal". But with time, the ideal shifts forward as well. Now the ideal soars for bigger heights and you will attain them all. Waheguru is going to take you there :)

The intense humanitarian desires to make a difference and lead a life of worth are here to stay. As far as I know, they are not going anywhere, once they've moved into your life. There, however, will be phases of "not-caring" or ignoring, but the desire to do good will only return much more stronger. And the day when Satguru places his apaar mehar on us, we shall turn those visions into sights...

...some fine day :)

Until then, do no harm - and in that, you shall do your part of good :)

My best regards to you!
Waheguru ji ka Khalsa, Waheguru ji ki Fateh!

8:10 PM, January 26, 2007  
Blogger SikhsRus said...

Thank you for these nice and encouraging thoughts! I guess if life was that simple, we wouldn't have all the problems in the World. Hope things are going great with you with Guru's grace. Yes! some fine day :) aas hai oh din Guru di mehar naal jarroor ayega!

1:01 PM, January 28, 2007  

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